Hi friends! Often times on our journey to peace and happiness, we automatically start to look outward of ourselves for happiness. But, again I say, that we live in our own little universe in our heads. All our senses of existence come from within. So the only person that can bring us true happiness is ourselves. But, because we don’t realize happiness comes from within, we often times use romantic relationships as a gateway to potential happiness. And because of that, we often enter and ruin relationships with unfair and unrealistic expectations for someone to make us happy. One of the many ways we ruin relationships is going into a relationship in hopes of finding the perfect mate that will suit our every need. And if they don’t, then they need to change. That mindset has already set your relationship up to fail just off that notion alone. Now you have put a major responsibility on someone else; and that’s not fair. So, you seek out the perfect guy/ girl and carry with you all these false unrealistic expectations. A lot of the time we notice physical appearance first. If we are really attracted to them, we are often too willing to make some exceptions on personality traits that are totally different than ours. We often will say to ourselves, well……I don’t like how he/ she talk too much, but I guess we can deal with that later. When you say “deal”, you mean change😆. Or, you might say, he/she is a mama’s boy/girl, but I will “deal” with that later.
Just stop right there! You already ruined your relationship before it even started! You’re going into the relationship claiming you want to change someone!
You’ll also argue that he/ she is so cute that you’ll overlook it! Or, you’ll say that he/she is so nice despite the fact. Besides, I know he/ she will make me happy😒. So you get together and sparks fly; You have that sweet high you get when you’re in a new relationship. But, eventually, the honeymoon is over, and now you really notice the flaw in that person you said you was going to “change”😆. But, that trait you find annoying is part of their personality, and they’ve let you know that they are not changing anything! Now you feel angry, resentful, and dissapointed because you found out they won’t “change”; despite the fact that they never knew you had a problem with them in the first place. They weren’t aware that you made up this list of changes that they were supposed to eventually live up to.
But you say if they really loved you, they would “change,” right? I hear this sooooo many times in relationships. Why can’t you change? Why won’t you change? If you just change, I’ll then be HAPPY. Well, let me tell you the solution to the problem. First, don’t get into a relationship purely in hopes of another person making you happy. No one can bring you pure happiness. That comes from within. Secondly, who are you to try and mold and shape anyone. That’s not your job; just like no one should try and change you. Healthy relationships are not about sculpting each other to create the perfect man/ woman, it’s about bringing your differences together so you can compliment each other.
For example, he/ she talks a lot, but it doesn’t bother you because you’re quiet and shy, so they help bring out your talkative side. Or, he/ she is a mama’s boy/girl, but that’s okay; you always needed a parent figure in your life anyway. Get it? Differences is supposed to compliment, not annoy. If something about that person bothers you, and you feel like that’s something you will want to eventually “change,” say next! That person will only resent you for trying to change them and you will resent them for not changing. That’s unnecessary pressure to put on each other. The best relationship is when you both can be exactly who you are. When you take each other as is. We always say we want someone to love us for us, but we make a list of things that we want to change on someone else. If the other person wants to change something for you, then that’s fine; it should solely be something that the other signed up for. But you should never try and force it on someone by telling them it’s to make you happy and it’s just for your comfort. That they can fix the relationship by simply changing. It should be something for the betterment of you both. Like for example a bad temper. It’s part of their personality, but it’s not a healthy trait to keep for the sake of you both. But, still at the end of the day, they should still change for them first, then you. Once you can get out the mindset of trying to change others, your relationships will go much smoother. It’s either you like them or you don’t.
You will naturally have a Minimal amount of things that are different about you both, but those things should be embraced just as much as the things you have in common.
Betcha didn’t know!😆
How To PursueYour Life’s Purpose
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