Do Not Carry Your friend’s Baggage!

Hi friends! I want to continue on with the subject of extra baggage. But this time I want to talk about other people baggage. When we have friends, we often think it’s our responsibility to help carry their baggage because that’s what friends are for, right? I mean we share all sorts of things with our friends. Secrets, clothes, food, money, and hobbies. So why not share our emotional baggage, right?

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I mean since you put most of your bags down that made room for theirs! Right? Wrong! Please don’t pick up other’s either because it will only drain your positive energy. For example, I used to have a friend who was having relationship problems. At first I was ok with being her shoulder to cry on because that’s what friends are for. But, despite being a shoulder to cry on, I wanted her to also start thinking of a soultion to Conquer her problems. Just continuously crying on my shoulder wasn’t helping anything. She never wanted to hear advice or think of solutions, she just wanted to complain and complain. Or, she would lie and say she would start doing the solutions, but didn’t. I guess I was supposed to be just the ” listening” ear.  She wanted me to cry with her and to feel her pain daily. She would talk on the phone with me daily for hours with her poor me. It got to the point where she was hinting at her moving in with me so we could be two miserable women crying together!  She even wanted me to start down talking my husband because if she wasn’t happily married why should I? We were supposed to share heartache and bash men together! Since we were friends, she felt like I was supposed to share her problems.  I literally started to feel like I was drowning in her problems. The next thing she started complaining about was family issues. Her mom, sisters, brother! Still no talk of solutions.  She started handing me all her bags one by one!

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Sadly, when I saw that she didn’t desire a solution, and she thrived on the drama, I had to let her go and give all of her bags back.

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As a friend you are not there to continuously support their drama. You’re there to help bring about a solution. You’re supposed to uplift each other. Be the one to tell your friend to put their baggage down. If they don’t want to, you will find yourself carrying their emotional burden. After they are finished crying with you, they will leave feeling a little bit better, but you will be stuck feeling their negative energy! Especially if they start putting negative ideas into your head about your own life. And then when they need you again, they’ll come back and dump more negative energy on you. And trust me, it rarely ends. I checked in on her 2 years later, and nothing changed with her. She was with another guy complaining about the same thing😬😆! You’ll notice that people who thrive on drama keep the party going forever. No matter how much money you give, how much advice,or how much support you lend, it’s never ending! So please, if your an empath like me, Run!!!!😆

Give them their bags/ problems and let them move on!

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Betcha didn’t know!🙈

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It’s that time of year again! Your Brain needs spring cleaning!

https://betchadidntknowthis.wordpress.com/2017/03/05/its-that-time-of-year-again-your-brain-needs-spring-cleaning/

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31 thoughts on “Do Not Carry Your friend’s Baggage!

  1. I have similar friends too but everytime they want to talk about their problems, I make them take me out for coffee … My job is to go ‘mm hmm’ while munching on something delicious as I know they just need to get it off their chest and not really looking for advice … I don’t pay the bill either .. Win-win situation! Lol … But of course this special treatment is only for the friends who refuse to listen and make the same mistakes over and over again! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is very true, so very true. I’d like to add another dimension to this–do NOT be there when your friend wants to do “talk therapy”. In this situation, the friend needs to talk their way out of the funk and into a feel good place. It can take away so much precious time for nothing. It gets worse when their therapist encourages them to talk things through with another person. This is not a conversation or anything like the person asking for guidance or advice. It is them talking to themselves to clarify their own ideas with input to support them from another person.

    The kindest cut is the most brutal. Just do not take this kind of behavior once it is apparent. I have wasted a lot of time with a person who did not like her sister. I listened and encouraged her on ways to finesse difficult times when this sister was there like at family gatherings. Then the next thing I know her and the sister made up which was great, but the need for talk therapy now focuses on a friend who all of a sudden this woman feels has betrayed her. Talk therapy is hard work on the person called on for support. My advice is to let this person know they are best to take it all to a professional.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’ve had a couple of friends who loved to wallow in misery and wanted everyone to join them. It gets exhausting listening to the non-stop waterfall of negativity. Letting go of those people is the only thing you can do! Excellent post!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You make some good points. This happened to me way too often at school. I’m always happy to be a shoulder to cry on, or a soundwall for problems for friends. But too much of this is really draining. I learnt late in the game that if they’re not willing to come up with solutions and just creating drama because they want empathy or to be constantly seen as ‘the victim’…then I can’t help you.

    Liked by 2 people

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